Dealing with a friend coming out:
When a person decides to come out it is very likely that they have spent vast amounts of
time preparing to announce they are gay or lesbian.
It is impossible for a gay or lesbian individual to predict what a persons reaction to them coming
out is going to be. It is very possible that you have been taught all your life that being gay or
lesbian is wrong. The gay or lesbian person has no way to tell if you will be able to dispose of
these thoughts that have been with you all your life.
The most important item to try to realise is that the gay or lesbian person has not changed from
before they come out to you. You may very well be surprised or shocked about what they have just
told you, it is imperative that you do not allow you gay or lesbian friend's recent revelation to
suddenly view them as bad or different.
It is important not to ask questions that would be considered rude before this person told you
that they are infact gay or lesbian. Below is a list of questions that may need to be asked in light
of your friends recent admission that they are gay or lesbian.
1. How long have you known you are gay, lesbian or bisexual?
2. Are you currently seeing anyone?
3. How hard has it been to keep this from everyone?
4. Tell me is there anyway I can help you know that I know?
5. When it was a secret did I ever unintentionally say anything to upset you?
The most important thing is to be completely honest about your feelings with your gay or lesbian friend.
It does not matter if your feelings are totally negative or your finding it hard to believe, what ever
your feelings are its very likely that your gay or lesbian friend has considered your possible reaction.
It is also important to admit to your gay or lesbian friend that these feelings may change, this will
allow you and your gay or lesbian friend to actually become friends again even if you are unable to
accept them at the present time.
If you think that someone you know could possibly be gay or lesbian but have not yet come out to you
it is important to understand the fear that they will be feeling about bringing it out in the open.
The only thing you can really do to help put them at ease enough to tell you the truth is make is
very clear that you are very accepting of gay and lesbian people. Such things as gay friends,
gay-oriented reading material around your house can help but obviously actions always speak louder
than words.
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